Dear one,
I will be turning 41 tomorrow. My quick-thinking mind still takes time to catch up with the reality that my time breathing on this planet has exceeded my mother’s. On one hand, it seems bizarre to attempt comprehension of life beyond what I had seen through her. On the other, my life continues on a tangent beyond what I had ever imagined. It is both scary and fun to discover who I am becoming. Some moments I feel distant and foreign to myself, others, I feel intimate in the knowing of me.
To re/member is to put together that which has been dismembered into its original, whole state.
When I was undergoing my coach training, as a part of my development plan, I wrote an autobiography in the third-person voice. Other details around the timeline were loose, except for one specific date — the date I lost my mother. It was striking how time seemed to have stopped for me for two decades. Who was I in those lost years? Where was I?
“For me, [re:member] means the opposite of dismemberment – to become yourself again, to become a member of yourself…”
~ Ólafur Arnalds, Icelandic multi-instrumentalist
The husband, Daryl, enjoys listening to classical music, and he tunes in to the classical radio station whenever he drives. Throughout winter, the DJ plays famous pieces in celebration of Beethoven’s and Mozart’s birthdays. I found the idea of honouring their birthdays instead of their death anniversaries fascinating and liberating. It is a celebration of life and legacy and the gifts these musicians have brought to our world.
Our beliefs create fault lines within us — We become dismembered. — No wonder the need to hold ourselves together and the fear of falling apart.
When we shed light on our unconscious beliefs, their grip on us begins to loosen, and we can begin to heal and integrate into our whole selves.
I made a German friend last February through the Compassionate Inquiry course that I took and we grew closer midway through the program as we practised with each other. Our birthdays are five days apart. She spoke of her birthday excitedly, and she would also mention my birthday as she told another classmate about hers. Her birthday celebrations and vibe went on for weeks, which I initially found bewildering. Her self-delight was radiant and infectious, and I allowed myself to begin relishing in my own special day for more than a day.
Grateful I am for her, not just for birthdays but also for her courage and compassion. I remembered one of our calls together when she said straight to me, “What happened to your light?”
“To remember oneself means the same thing as to be aware of oneself — I am. It is not a function, not thinking, not feeling; it is a different state of consciousness.”
~ P.D. Ouspensky, Russian philosopher
Just Monday morning, I was inquiring with my teacher about a young structure in me who is still concerned with the fear of losing Mother’s love. The past still attempts to take the seat of the present. The old program “Pleasing Mother” was running while I grieved the disconnect from my real self. Have you been fearful of your heart or your truth? In my inquiry, I experienced both longing and resistance toward my truth as my mind grasped the belief that my mother’s word was the word. The price for my mother’s love was the intimacy with my essence.
We are not our thoughts, emotions, or sensations. We are not merely our mind or body. We are whole, and what is this wholeness that we are? Self-remembering is an experience of coming back to ourselves by opening to the reality of the present moment.
If you’ve watched “Barbie,” it is the moment when Ken had the revelation, “Ken is me.”
Recently, I found myself in a place of gratitude and gladness relating to my age. What a beautiful time to be in to be able to give and pass along blessings. Perhaps Happy Birthday can over time stretch to become Happy Alive Day!
What if we woke up each day with the thought, “Yay! It’s my day!” how will our day turn out? Indeed, our birthday can be just like any other day. We do not have to make it more grandiose than it truly is, and neither do we diminish it. What if, instead, every day is our birth-day? What will it entail? Perhaps this is the beginning of reclaiming and cherishing more of us and our life.
In the past, I found it easier to decline what I did not want to engage with when it was my birthday. But I was still hiding behind birthdays. If it was any other day, would I still be willing to honour my needs and say no? To own my day is to take full responsibility, choosing who or what I want to give my attention and energy (essentially, my life); choosing how I will treat myself (like how I want to be treated not how they treated me); choosing to act from who I know, not believe, myself to be; choosing to celebrate life; choosing to allow life to take me into the unknown; choosing to keep re/membering and honouring this “I” when the world constantly distracts, and move from here.
Self-re/membering is a practice of presence, we begin by being here.
”In order to be here, you have to bring your mind home to your body.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
The Invitation
Step by step, we begin owning our life by owning our days. What will it take to fully own your day?
To honour is to keep the truth in view.
What is something you really know about yourself right now?
How will you choose to act to honour this knowing?
That’s all for today’s Dandelion Note. May you remember who you truly are.
If this sparked any new discovery about yourself that you wish to share, please write to me at hello@rosslynchay.me. And please share with your friends or family who might enjoy this read.