Did I tell you I am working on a book?
I know I have, at the beginning of this year, and it is currently a seedling in germination. Bear with me, it helps to say it again, lest I let my wish slip. Too easy to douse my dream—one of my coping strategies when I encounter hardships—I advance slowly with deliberation.
Dreams may appear decadent, even fear-inducing, when we are identified with scarcity and insecurity. In this mode, creativity is reflexively employed for survival means, partnering vigilance to find routes to safety. When we are in this place, it is important to not completely forgo dreams or the part of us that desires to move toward greatness because they are what nourish our soul and keep us buoyed.
I have taken on more of my expectations for my creation this time, and it weighs down my process a little while feeling like a worthy undertaking. I wish for this book to be an anchor, an invitation to ground, so I am consciously writing it from this place to best convey it. Along the way, one of the major challenges I face is giving myself and protecting the time to fully enter this place. My inner judge awakes with the belief that writing is not contributing to my livelihood, and it starts nagging, creating noise and activity in my mind.
What will it be like to carve out and protect space for what we love?
Let’s imagine together…holding pockets of space in the present day for the seed we sowed to grow toward the future we desire. Dreams do not grow overnight. Nothing does. The choices we make today have their effects on the morrow. For example, choosing to disengage from negative self-talk supports us in cultivating a loving relationship with ourselves. When we bring intention to our choices, it adds significance and weight, grounding us to our reality, without debilitating us.
Trusting the natural process of growth, every day, we water the seeds of what we wish to grow, whether a quality or a dream we hold. With little rituals and practices, we bring intention and loving attention to our seeds.
Let my labour moor me, let my dreams lift me. Let my head be amongst the clouds without losing ground. A step at a time, staying connected to heaven and earth.
For a visual person like myself, I use colors in my calendar as my aid. My life is closely knitted with the Google calendar, I rely on it to structure my time and remember my to-dos, and I have color codes for different purposes: the default pink marks a new or tentative block; grey for rest-and-breathe blocks; green for classes etc.
“Look at the stars
Look how they shine for you
And everything you do
Yeah, they were all yellow”
~ “Yellow”, Coldplay
Yellow represents what is nourishing and meaningful to me. My wish is to have my calendar be spacious and yellow, and my days, dedicated to the labor I love. I dream of a life in which the work I love is also the work that pays, ending the battle between bread and love, easing every moment into play. Thus began the conscientious flipping of my calendar yellow:
Does it open my heart? Does it support me in moving toward the direction I want? These questions guide me in my coloring.
My weekly inquiry practices are readily assigned yellow, so are the blocks of time I share with my clients and loved ones. Not all yellow entries delight me immediately though. There are times when dread shows up, and a part of me wishes I can skirt out of the event. But the yellow reminds me of my commitment. Yellow calls me back to what matters, allowing me to step into that time block with renewed intention.
What are we giving our life and presence to?
Are we saying yes to, and clearing the way for, what matters most to us?
To live a life from integrity and with intentionality required and taught me patience and kindness. With each structure or conditioned pattern I meet, I am nudged, again and again, to receive an aspect of me with kindness, giving space for more of me to land on the ground as well.
It is also about being honest and transparent with myself. When certain events persist in a particular color, this is an opportunity to sit and inquire. For the sake of what do I still engage in the activity or with the people? What in the event feels “tough” or is bringing parts of my history online? What am I discovering about myself?
Do not let life be spent. Let it be a conscious dedication to the calling of our soul.
Sometimes, my exploration brings me to a choice point between comfort and well-being.
Comfort can contribute to well-being but it is not analogous to it. The difference between the two is most easily apprehended through the lens of our addictions. Whether it be substance use or a seemingly harmless habit of scrolling through social media, we engage in the activity because it brings us comfort. But does it contribute to our well-being?
Comfort is a state closely tied to either the presence of pleasure or the absence of pain. It activates the reward center in our brain and brings us into a temporary state of happiness. Like candy floss, a promising puff of sweetness, temporarily satisfying a craving only to disappoint later as it lacks the substance to sustain our journey.
Well-being includes an element of pleasure and is closely related to our development. It is the life-giving water that can sometimes taste plain, and other times, sweet, when we are thirsty. To look after our well-being is to give ourselves the necessary nutrients and nourishment that will support us in growing toward our flourishing.
How might we be faithful servants to the ancient life flowing through us, freeing ourselves from slavery to the legacy we bear?
It is a gradual movement of returning to ground, reclaiming ground, expanding ground, and moving from this ground.
With our eyes set on the future, gazing into the horizon of possibility, let our chest swell with ambition, lifting us into our dignity as we root firmly in our current location, our feet receiving support from the ground—each conscious breath, each conscious step, will lead us toward our heart’s true desires.
May life be an offering. May our labor be an expression of our love.